Am. I. Good. Enough. Yet😳🤔☹️😩😱
I sometimes sit down and look over certain events in my life and just wonder about it. I think about all of the times when I didn't feel "good enough". What determines what actually makes a person " good enough?". I have often asked myself this question over and over again for the past 45 years of my life. I have thought about naysayers and their opinion, along with close family members. It has really bothered me and affected me most of my adult life.
Most people don't think about how their childhood affects their adulthood. Well, it does. My father was very stern and would stare at me with this look to let me know he was not playing. He said it was to give him respect, but it bothered me and still does. My dad was more intimidating and controlling. I notice that I have issues due to this. Growing up, he would say things to get a point across, but most of the time it would hurt my feelings. He would tell me the tears meant nothing to him and to "man up". My mother would tell him how it bothered me, but he didn't listen.
I was a typical teenager. I liked boys and I never snuck out the house, but I was a little mischievous. My dad would always tell me that trust had to be earned and I lied once and lost his trust. One of the problems I have is my dad NEVER let me forget any mistakes I made. I know that his reasoning was out of love and I respect my dad, but I often wonder about myself.
Then there is my self esteem issue. Am I too big, too short, is my hair too short, too natural? Why am I still single? 😩😫😞. This hurts so much. I sometimes cry because I simply want a "do over" in my life. I was always told I was so smart, yet I didn't make the best scores on my ACT or finish at the magnet school. I have always regretted it. I never felt "smart enough", but I never told anyone. I just played along. To this day I still feel insecure around some of my more intelligent classmates.
😞.
Sometimes when around my family, I seem to have it all together; but I don't. On the inside I'm nervous and I feel like a little child among a bunch of Wall Street moguls!😱. It may sound silly to some, but it's so serious. Even while I am at church and in a small setting in my Sunday School class, I feel less than others when I hear people speaking of their great success and how they have accomplished so much and seem to have it all together.
I hate the fact that my insecurities take me over the top, but it is time to take a stand. I have to allow myself to LOVE myself and realize that God created me in HIS own image and that I am great as I can be. I will continue to press and pray and motivate myself.
Most people don't think about how their childhood affects their adulthood. Well, it does. My father was very stern and would stare at me with this look to let me know he was not playing. He said it was to give him respect, but it bothered me and still does. My dad was more intimidating and controlling. I notice that I have issues due to this. Growing up, he would say things to get a point across, but most of the time it would hurt my feelings. He would tell me the tears meant nothing to him and to "man up". My mother would tell him how it bothered me, but he didn't listen.
I was a typical teenager. I liked boys and I never snuck out the house, but I was a little mischievous. My dad would always tell me that trust had to be earned and I lied once and lost his trust. One of the problems I have is my dad NEVER let me forget any mistakes I made. I know that his reasoning was out of love and I respect my dad, but I often wonder about myself.
Then there is my self esteem issue. Am I too big, too short, is my hair too short, too natural? Why am I still single? 😩😫😞. This hurts so much. I sometimes cry because I simply want a "do over" in my life. I was always told I was so smart, yet I didn't make the best scores on my ACT or finish at the magnet school. I have always regretted it. I never felt "smart enough", but I never told anyone. I just played along. To this day I still feel insecure around some of my more intelligent classmates.
😞.
Sometimes when around my family, I seem to have it all together; but I don't. On the inside I'm nervous and I feel like a little child among a bunch of Wall Street moguls!😱. It may sound silly to some, but it's so serious. Even while I am at church and in a small setting in my Sunday School class, I feel less than others when I hear people speaking of their great success and how they have accomplished so much and seem to have it all together.
I hate the fact that my insecurities take me over the top, but it is time to take a stand. I have to allow myself to LOVE myself and realize that God created me in HIS own image and that I am great as I can be. I will continue to press and pray and motivate myself.
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